Lady Gaga and Beyonce: Telephone

Lady Gaga (featuring Beyonce) Telephone

Okay. Don't be scared. We're going to do this together.

0:02 Barbed wire fence. Edgy.

0:20 "Jackie Brown" like titling. Cool.

0:28 Wait. What's this? A prison for lesbians?

0:31 Oh, I see. "Prison for Bitches". Okay?

0:47 Duck Tape Pasties!!!

1:06 Um...I feel dirty watching this.

1:09 Fuzzy Fishnet Hooey!!!

1:11 They said "dick"? Why do I find the word "Penis" more offensive?

1:12 "Too bad." Ha! You made me laugh. But I still feel dirty.

1:14 Scene 2: Ext. Exercise Yard, Day.

1:21 Now I feel dirty AND scared.

1:29 Um...okay? Smoking Ciggy Shades, chains, and white Go Go boots.

1:32 Product Placement No. 1: Lady Gaga Headphones.

1:55 Wait...is that a chick? I thought that was Steve Buscemi.

1:58 Grossiest Lesbian action since Monster.

And Monster could've been hot without the makeup. This is just...ick.

1:59 Good. She got a phone call. End Scene.

2:04 No, really. End Scene.

2:07 Production Placement No. 2: Virgin Mobile.

Virgin Mobile makes me feel dirty.

2:09 And...emphasis on Product Placement No. 2.

2:11 Helicopter? Now where are you taking us?

2:14 Back inside? How long is this intro?

2:17 Product Placement No. 3: Diet Coke Hair Rollers. Um... resourceful?

2:23 Oh no she di'n?!

2:26 What's Gaga gonna do? She's slicking back her hair like Kenickie.

2:28 Apparently that's all she's going to do. Okay.

2:40 Still don't get it. Let's get to the song already.

2:47 Good. She got a call. End Scene.

2:53 Finally!

Let's just watch a while, shall we? Tough parts over...right?

3:37 Is she still singing to Beyonce?

4:11 Crime Scene tape is a nice touch.

4:15 Man, Gaga's pushing some Virgin Mobile. We get it!

4:18 Freaky Head Bobble.

4:19 Stop doing that.

4:23 Product Placement No. 3: HP Lappy.

4:24 Is this Beyonce's arrival?

4:25 Nope.

4:28 Product Placement No. 4 (this is getting ridiculous) plentyoffish.com

4:31 After Effects Eyebrow Raise...creepy.

4:33 Very Gene Kelly.

4:37 Back to Product Placement No. 3 to view Product Placement No. 4.

4:42 Ah! P*Wagon. Kill Bill P*Wagon!

4:48 There! There's Beyonce.

4:51 She looks like a mannequin. She delivers her line...like a mannequin.

Maybe, she's just committed to the character.

5:07 Product Placement No.--what is it--5? Little Debbie Honey Bun.

5:18 "Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger."

5:20 "Trust is like a mirror..." Okay, who wrote this?

5:45 No. 6: Polaroid Camera...they still make those? Who uses those?

Serial killers?

5:53 Really? Another scene? Really?

5:54 "These boots are made for a'walkin..."

5:59 Blatant Boobage!

6:04 What's with the subtitles?

6:05 Floating Poison Sign.

6:08 Nice. Batman. Smack! Pow!

6:09 Ha! Now the subtitles make sense.

6:15 Okay. He drank it. He's dead. End Scene.

6:20 Thanks.

Let's just sit back and let things happen again.

I'm getting tired. And the ladies seem settled

into Pop Diva mode here. Should be safe.

6:28 Let's make a sandwich? Gaga, you're not making it easy for me to relax and enjoy the video.

6:37 Product Placement No. 7! (Are we really up to 7?)

Wonder Bread

6:42 Now I get it. No. 8: Miracle Whip Mayo.

6:47 "Stop rollin' stop rollin' I don't want to watch anymore."

7:01 I thought he was dead already.

7:10 Her bangs look like a telephone.

7:12 She loves those heels.

7:15 Squish!?

7:19 Kill this guy already and let's move on to the next Product Placement.

7:25 Thank You. Next!

7:29 Not another close up? And a line? Come on.

7:31 Random sequence of weird shots. Killing spree.

7:43 How much longer?

7:49 At least Beyonce makes a pretty 30s style pinup.

I'm just gonna watch her for a while.

8:21 Finally...I am actually enjoying this thing!

Pop music is like a drug. It's not good until you're addicted to it...then it's too late.

I knew I should've quit back at Miracle Whip.

8:38 Does this outfit remind anyone else of Shania Twain?

8:57 What is this? Are they the ghosts of Thelma and Louise?

9:02 Song over. There's still :30 left?

9:16 Told ya. Ghosts of Thelma and Louise.

Well, we made it through. Wait...

9:18 "To Be Continued..." Really?

9:19 Oh! Now you bring back the helicopter?